When The Dust Settles

This week I celebrated 36 years of life...a true gift from God!

I'm thankful to have a loving God who patiently nudges us towards the callings He has in store for us, and for showing us His favor when we take those leaps of faith by prioritizing His mission in this world.

Exactly one year ago today I pulled up to my never-before-seen apartment in my new home state of California with my brother and niece. I knew back then that my initial job and living situation would not be permanent, but I had no idea what events and hardships were in store in the coming months. For starters, my initial job ended up putting me in an immediate financial crisis. For two months I came home to eviction notices taped to my apartment door. Something I had never experienced before. Not only was the job financially crushing, but also placed me in unsafe situations entering patient homes as a young, single female. The combination of these two aspects of this job led to intense panic attacks which I had not experienced in almost a decade. Within six months I was thankfully able to transfer within the company to a hospital job that would stabilize my income, but would require returning to the 12-13 hour night shift/weekend schedule. And even though I have loved the job itself as a postpartum nurse, being forced back into a vampire schedule at the age of 35 heavily impacted my ability to socially connect, spiritually plug in, and mentally stay a float for the last 6 months. There have been moments throughout this process that have left me feeling crippled with anxiety, fear, depression, isolation, and worry. And yet, through those moments, I have learned invaluable lessons, experienced true surrender, better understood the importance of trust, and witnessed the power of community firsthand. And now, exactly a year later, after so many tears and moments of crying out to God in prayer, I am so thrilled to share with you all that I have accepted a job as a school nurse in the cutest little Elementary district in the heart of Orange County. The Lord opened up a door that I thought was slammed shut. Over the last two years I have applied to over 60 jobs, none of which truly reflected my hearts desires. Either the pay was way too low to sustain myself out here, the work was high-stress with little to no work-life-balance, or the job would suppress my talents and passion of working with children in healthcare. BUT GOD, rich in mercy and full of eternal wisdom, waited for the perfect moment to reveal His plan with an unexpected job offer as a high paying school nurse in the very district I secretly hoped to one day work. Not only that, but at just the right moment--I'm talking, the exact day needed!--the most adorable living arrangement opened up in a loft-style apartment in the heart of of the city where I will soon be working in. Closer to friends. Closer to community. Closer to the heart and soul of this place I call home. With this opportunity comes work-life-balance, the chance to finally invest time and energy into building and maintaining long-term community, as well as ample time to devote to local outreach ministries in this place that God called me to years ago. It all feels so surreal, to see direct and even unspoken prayers and heart desires come to life right before my eyes. His timing and His ways weren't always clear to me in this process. To be honest, at times, it has felt brutal. But I wouldn't trade a single moment of this process. Why? Because of the lessons I have learned and the growth I have experienced. I know without a doubt, that God was prepping my heart, mind, and soul to handle what He had in store for me here in Southern California all along. He knew I needed to be refined. He knew I needed to be humbled. He knew I needed to be disciplined. He Knew I needed to be pushed and challenged. He knew everything I needed to fully embrace, cherish, and utilize my dreams coming true. Here are some of my most cherished takeaways from this past year: Prayer changes things. For many, prayer seems like nothing more than a religious superstition to make people feel a certain way. And if I hadn't experienced the power of prayer firsthand, I am sure I would view prayer through a similar lens. But I can tell you from experience, that prayer directed towards God the creator, changes things. It changes us internally, as we learn to realign our requests and perspectives with God's will. It changes our community by deepening our ability to unite with, mourn with, celebrate with, and plead with our brothers and sisters of the faith. But also, and historically, prayer can change the course of events. Take Moses, for example, one of the most iconic and beloved leaders in the history of God's people. The prayers of Moses recorded in Exodus 32:10-14 changed God's actions towards His rebellious followers. Or how about Hezekiah, another staple in the history of mankind and former King of Judah, changed God's mind through persistent and repentant prayer recorded in 1 Kings 20:1-11. This isn't to suggest, however, that God's plans and purposes are changeable. Historically recorded words of God found in places like Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 46:9-10, and Ephesians 1:11 strongly suggest that God's plans cannot be thwarted by man. However, because prayer re-aligns our hearts with God's will, through the process of prayer we learn to request and plea with God according to His own will. In other words, our prayers help carry out God's will , and God is eager to respond to our requests. So, no matter how big or small your requests, burdens, concerns, or pleas might seem, take them to the Lord in prayer. It truly does change things. Trust brings peace. Like most kids in the 90s, my friends and I would sit around the lunch table during elementary and middle-school, eating our lunchables and hot pockets, while discussing deep theological questions like, "If you could have any super power, what would it be?" In true Type-A personality fashion, my answer would always be, "I'd want the power of being able to see into the future". My control-freak tendencies started young. The thought of not knowing what was in store drove me nuts. I wanted to know every detail of every possible hypothetical situation so that I could hypothetically plan and organize and overanalyze. I thought clarity and being in the "know" would bring peace. But really, all it brings is worry, anxiety, fear, doubt, and grief. I mean, if I would have known what was truly in store for me during my first year here in Southern California, would I have really left my dream job, community, family, and friends to obediently follow the Lord's calling? I doubt it. If we knew the details of what was in store for us, it would be too much for our human minds, emotions, and hearts to process or carry. The burden of knowing would be too heavy. That's why, in my opinion, the peace of trusting is better than the burden of knowing. God grants us just enough insight, wisdom, clarity, and strength to endure one day at a time. One victory. One tragedy. One life-event. One day, at a time. And while this state of unknowing might drive us a little nuts at times--especially us Type-A planners and control freaks--it truly is God's way of protecting us from what we cannot handle. Instead, He invites us to trust in His plans, His timing, His ways. Why? Because trust leads to surrender, and surrender leads to a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). In His faithfulness, He afflicts. One of the most perplexing aspects about God, in my opinion, is His willingness to allow suffering at times. That's not to say that God is hands off, wishing ill-will towards us while laughing at our heartbreak. He does, however, know what types of suffering will lead people closer to Him in deeper relationship. He knows what will strengthen people's faith. He knows what will unite people who walk through hardship together. He knows what will purify the heart. He knows what will mold people into more precious image bearers of Himself. Psalm 119, claimed to have been written by King David of God's people, said this in verse 75, "in faithfulness you have afflicted me." A more modern ancient text written by the half-brother of Jesus puts it this way in His letter, "Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing...blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:2-4, 12). I have nothing but gratitude for the "afflictions" God has walked me through over the past year. How? Because I know that in His faithfulness, he afflicted me. All things work together for good. Because God's promises and plans cannot be thwarted by man, because temporary earthly afflictions can refine us for eternal glory, Paul was able to confidently write these words in Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." This doesn't mean that all cancer will be healed this side of heaven, or that you'll always land that high-paying job, or that your enemy will seek reconciliation and forgiveness before they die, or that _____________. But what it does mean, is that eternally, and spiritually, all things will produce the goodness of God as we walk in His purpose and carry out His will. Examples of this? The job that put me in financial crisis and unsafe situations, also led to sharing the love of God to people who were hurting, sick, and dying. Receiving eviction notices from my apartment because of the financial crisis of that job, also led to my church family showering me with food, invitations to live with them if needed, and helping to cover my unpaid bills until I was able to find a more stable source of income. I wouldn't have experienced God's goodness in those ways, had it not been for the affliction. I'm sure you can reflect back on so many events of your life that produced goodness despite intense loss, grief, frustration, tension, or tragedy. We can rest assured that as we walk in line with God's will, and surrender our plans to His ways, all things will lead to good, whether in this life or the next. So, cheers to my first completed year as a local in Southern California. This past year will forever be near and dear to my heart, and one that I always point back to and say, "That's the year God both broke me and built me." I truly feel that He is just getting started with His purposes and plans for me in this beautiful place I now call home. And while I know there are many more challenges ahead, I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to pray to, surrender to, and trust in His ways.

Shortly after moving to California I met up with a dear friend of mine for my first surf lesson. Call it beginners luck, but I caught two waves within the first 15 minutes! The following week I practiced maneuvering my surf board in the swimming pool until I felt comfortable on it. Like a fool, I decided that these two experiences were all I needed before heading into the waters by myself. I chose a location that was only waist deep and directly in front of a life-guard station. I knew the beach well as it is my favorite boogie boarding spot. With several other surfers around, I figured if something happened I had plenty of eyes on me to come to the rescue. I was eager to practice all of the skills that I had learned. As I walked out into the water, I could see dolphins jumping in the distance with a gorgeous sunset behind them. It was pure magic. Until the waves started crashing over my head, that is. And then reality immediately kicked in. Wave after wave forced me off of my board, leaving me scrambling to get back on before the next one had it's way with me. At one point as I was twisting and turning under the waves, a surfer dropped in and slammed right into the side of my head. He apologized profusely, explaining that he didn't see me and owned the incident. I told him I was honored to have my first surfing injury, as a bump formed on my head. He paddled back out and I was left trying to unwrap my leash from around my legs before the next wave hit. But I couldn't, and found myself pummeled beneath the waves once again. As I came up out of the water, my own board was slammed straight into my front tooth, leaving me with a bloody mouth and in excruciating pain. I just knew that I had lost or chipped my front tooth but was too scared to check, and too numbed by pain to feel. Thankfully, I am writing this blog with all of my front teeth intact. In case you were worried. Finally, after what felt like a WWF smackdown, I made it past the break and began positioning myself for a wave. Attempt after attempt left me immediately falling off my board or getting wrapped in my leash. I was so exhausted, tired of swallowing buckets of salty ocean water, and was starting to get a headache from the previous collisions. I had to make a decision: would I continue getting pummeled, or would I know my limits and move myself to safety? I decided I would ride the next wave in on my stomach and call it a night. But as the wave was pushing me in, everything felt just right. My positioning. My speed. My balance. The basics were there. So, I pushed myself up, jumped into stance, and road the wave all the way to shore with the biggest smile on my face. The beating I'd endured from the ocean suddenly felt worth it when compared to the magic I felt in that moment. Fast forward to my journey out here to California in July of 2023. While my brother and niece drove me cross-country, I sat in the back seat feeling so excited for the possibilities that were ahead of me. The trip itself felt magical and therapeutic. But just a few weeks into the move, reality began to set in and one thing after another kept crashing overhead, leaving me pummeled beneath the weight. I found myself locked into a job that wreaked financial havoc and put me at risk of being evicted from my apartment. The job also placed me in dangerous situations in patient homes, consumed all of my time and energy, and took a major toll on my mental health. Things became so intense that I began suffering from full blown panic attacks. I had a decision to make. My mental, physical, emotional, and financial health were all at stake. I had to make a decision: Continue in my work contract at the risk of my well-being, or prioritize my health at the risk of losing $5,000 and face possible penalties? I chose to prioritize my mental health and well-being, at all costs. I turned to friends and family for support financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. And all of a sudden, everything started aligning just right. I received a call about a job at a top postpartum unit and days later, accepted the job. The new position would secure me financially, allow for work-life balance, place me in a safer work environment, and allow for 25 days of free counseling every year. The beating that I'd endured leading up to that moment paled in comparison to the opportunity before me. And as the relief and joy set in, I was able to look back at the seven months of struggle through a new perspective. Through those months, I gained invaluable lessons, top nursing skills, confidence in my abilities, endurance, a deeper faith, and a tighter knit community. All of the working pieces finally came together for this moment. Was the process brutal? Overwhelmingly so. But was it worth it? Overwhelmingly so. I'm reminded of these words in the bible, "We are experiencing all kinds of trouble, but we aren't crushed. We are confused, but we aren't depressed. We are harassed, but we aren't abandoned. We are knocked down, but we aren't knocked out...So we aren't depressed. But even if our bodies are breaking down on the outside, the person that we are on the inside is being renewed every day. ." ( 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9, 16 ) The last seven months have taught me many lessons. But here are the most valuable: 1- How I prepare myself when life is good, will determine how I respond when life is hard. For exactly seven months leading up to my move, I spent countless weeks fasting, praying, memorizing scripture, and seeking wise counsel in preparation for the cross-country move. Oddly enough, the transition took exactly seven month of hardship before finally experiencing break through. Had I not prepared for the inevitable hardship ahead, I don't know if I would have endured. Ephesians 6:10-18 beautifully discusses this. 2- I am not a failure for pre-maturely leaving a job that put my entire well-being in jeopardy. For months, I felt "trapped" by contracts, expectations, and financial incentives. Leaving didn't feel like an option. After all, in my twelve years as a nurse, I have never quit or left a job within my first year of employment. It took my sweet friend reminding me that choosing a safer job wasn't failing, it was demonstrating courage and strength by standing up for what was best for me. Choosing to leave an unhealthy environment was choosing to protect myself mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and relationally. That's not failing. That's thriving. 3- Everything has an important purpose, but especially hardship. Had I not endured the last seven months of hardship, I would have missed out on incredible opportunities to connect with my new community, build important trust with new friends, experience the gift of receiving help from others, acquire new skills as a nurse, and experience a deeper reliance on God through faith than ever before. James 1: 2-4 perfectly captures the invaluable growth that takes place when we endure hardship. If you find yourself pummeled beneath the crashing waves of life, remember that "God is faithful; He will not allow you to be tested beyond what you are able" (1 Corinthians 10:13). Lean into faith and community. Rely on tools that you've gained through previous experiences. And most importantly, don't be afraid to make changes, even changes that come with risk. Before you know it, you'll be riding the very waves of life that before crashed down over you. And all the struggle will be worth that moment.

Here are 10 activities under $10 to enjoy in Newport Beach, California!

I have two homes. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Not every thought leads to a decision, but every decision can be traced back to a thought. So how exactly did I go from the thought of "Uproot your life and move to California", to actually moving to California?